Small Camera Syndrome



This is a piece I wrote some time ago, but with the increase in readership I thought I would publish it again. Apologies to those who have read it before.


Reprinted by kind permission of:-
The University of Worcestershire, Department of Irrelevant Yet Lucrative Studies.
Excerpts from the Paper "Illnesses associated with Photography" by Justin Cash and R.U.Serious, Senior Lecturers in Psychosomatic Media Disorders ©2009

S.C.S or Small Camera Syndrome is an obsession with small cameras. Sufferers from this condition develop an uncontrollable desire to sell their cumbersome, oversized and overcomplicated DSLR's (invariably black) and replace them with ever smaller and lighter alternatives. Dr. Hans Full (Ph.D, C.A, I.Q) of Solms University identified this pattern of behaviour in the 1930's. He saw it as an irrational desire to enjoy photography, without the need to carry large quantities of equipment in ever expanding camera bags.

Many of those afflicted with the disease group together in small, semi-religious sects on the internet. Long-term sufferers promote therapeutic alternatives via a network of self-help organisations such as Rangefinders Anonymous and Photographies Sans Douleurs Dorsales.

Many have tried to explain this. Dr. M. Oron of the MCS (Macho Camera Society) in his paper MInes bigger than yours (2009) said "While the disease is understandable for women and children, it is particularly disturbing for men. They seem to loose their masculinity by rejecting the norms of photographic society and in seeking to return to a simpler, less complicated way of taking pictures, put themselves into conflict with their peers."

The I.I.G.M.K.I.B (If its got more knobs its better) group, have taken an aggressive stance towards those who state that S.C.S is not in fact an illness, but an enlightened way of dealing with the complex issues of camera kit. In their recent publications, Flak Jackets and Telephotos and Big lenses: More fun than a Gun! They have aroused controversy by promoting the view that sufferers of S.C.S are actually a subversive organisation seeking to erode the long established traditions of photographic equipment purchasing. Their car bumper stickers proclaiming "Stand back! I've got a 300MM f2.8 and I'm going to use it!" have given rise to protest demonstrations in many towns and cities.

P. Sonic and Sam Sung authors of Pictures from my Pocket and Small is Special have taken the line that S.C.S is actually a healthy and desirable development. "In seeking to distance themselves from the ontological zeitgeist of the DSLR proliferation of recent years, so called S.C.S sufferers are merely responding to the negative discombobulation and persnicketiness (sic) of self-describing real photographers and offer a quasi-theological solution to this dilemma based on a reaction to the tautological imperatives promoted by those who in their struggle for consumerist producerism domination, merely encourage a guerilla type reverse proportionality response to the problem. In opposition to those who erroneously justify their error by misquoting the works of Marshall Mcluhan, which, as should be obvious, is an absurdly inappropriate understanding of this argument, we assert that SCS, far from being an illness, is a mature and innovative response to the non-ethical yet persuasive dominant mores prevalent in todays aquisition led society ."

The N.C.F.M.A.I.S (National Centre for meaningless and irrelevant statistics) have identified S.C.S as being on the increase. From a small but consistent population of sufferers, prior to 2009, the occurrence of the syndrome has risen dramatically in the last two years. Many see this as a direct consequence of easy to obtain products flooding in from manufacturers in the far east. Despite the efforts of organisations such as B.C.R International (Big Cameras Rule) and P.W.O.C.A.N.A.T.O.R.P (People who own Canons or Nikons are the only real photographers) to point out the dangers of these imports, including the notorious pink hybrid, more and more photographers are becoming addicted to these products.



References
1. Dr. Hans Full (1932-02-01) Small Camera Syndrome
2. Dr. M. Oron (2009-11-07). Mines bigger than yours
3. I.I.G.M.K.I.B group (2009-11-16). Flak Jackets and Telephotos. Big lenses: More fun than a Gun!
4. P. Sonic and Sam Sung (2009-08-08) Pictures from my Pocket. Small is Special.
5. N.C.F.M.A.I.S (2009-12-10). Analysis of Diseases related to Camera Purchasing. 2008-2009.
6. P.W.O.C.A.N.A.T.O.R.P (2009-11-21). Small Cameras Suck.

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